If only…….

So….today I have a call with my blogging trainer and I know that in order to get my blog moving a long – I need more content.  He is often reminding me of this.

Yet, I also know it is NOT something I can force.  “If only” I could hit a button and have this stuff churn out of me like a machine – I could get there quicker.  But, I can’t.  And I know that whenever I try to force something – my body revolts in ways of stiffness or reaching for food I know deep down I don’t really need.  I also know that I have gotten so much clarity that all of my passions and visions that came years ago after my healing are still achievable.  Writing.  But, I have to sometimes remind my uber eager self with big hopes and dreams to slow down and enjoy the journey.   Let go of the “if only” and the “what if” cycled thoughts and just do.  Put the pen to the paper and show up.  Just like on the mat.  It’s not always pretty but it’s worth it!

A few weeks ago, I started taking a lesson on Daily Om – Yoga for Empaths with Sadie Nardini and I am really enjoying it.  I am an empath.  Most definitely. I am super sensitive and super loving but sometimes at a detriment to taking care of the one person I need to be full in order to take care of others, ME.  So I was checking my mail before my call and boom inspiration struck just like when Fancy Nancy talks about in her artists book that I read to Kira.  In one story Fancy Nancy is super stuck and then she goes out with a friend to do something fun, and BAM – comes back full of inspiration.  The email was from Daily Om and it was an article by Madison Taylor.  The quote in the beginning was “When we live thinking of “if only”, satisfaction will always be out of reach.”

This got me thinking to the many emails and small conversations that have been exchanged during this quarantine.  “If only schools would open back up” or “If only the golf courses would open back up” or “If only I could get my hair did” or “If only someone could tell me WHEN this would be over?” or “If only I knew if my family was going to be ok?”  —–how many if only’s have you asked yourself?

And has this blocked you from living? I think there are two ways to look at this virus and quarantine.  The one where you say to yourself “if only it’ll end soon – life will go back to normal” and I will resume living.  I think this approach drags one away from being satisfied with the now which to some, this is very unsatisfying.  I am not trying to say that this circumstance doesn’t suck in many shapes and forms.  What I am trying to say is if we remove the “if only” – it comes down to focusing on what we do have and can do and getting creative in our living.  And this all leads me back to the many studies on gratitude and the impacts to wellness and health on having a mindset that is in the we have now, the half full side of the cup.  Even during this crappy time, there are many things to be grateful for.   Just like one conditions their body for a race, the mind needs to have some practice at noticing when the if only and what ifs start to become the focus and sending the mind back to dreaming and living without conditions or barriers or some crazy concept of perfection or world of no if onlys…

One of the most empowering things that I have learned and also at times scary – is that I alone have so much control over my own life’s satisfaction and how I rate satisfaction.  To me, it’s all about my inner resilience and approach to life and to each moment.  By removing the “if only” – I come back to something simply satisfying – that I’m alive, well, with opportunities right now to grow myself, to connect more closely to my existing community, to help those in need, to spend time outside, to spend time with my family, to take some free writing workshops, yoga classes, maybe redo my kitchen cupboards….or to be still.  So many possibilities if I remove the “if only”.  I really don’t need anything external for me to be okay.

And that is another reason I love yoga & what I have learned from my continuous exploration of myself on the mat through slower movement.  “The Yoga Pose is not the goal.  Becoming flexible is not the goal.  Standing on your head is not the goal.  The goal is serenity.  Balance.  Truly finding peace in your own skin.” – Rachel Brathen, Yoga Girl. I know this situation sucks – but it’s here and it is teaching all of us a whole heck of a lot and if we remove the if only or the I’m mad at or why can’t I’s – I typically feel an energetic shift that helps bring me back to so much that I can do and get done now for myself and my family, things that I might have continued to glance over because I was living in fast forward.


Leave a Reply